“We will not trust spiritual power until we have experienced a God who operates in the same way, a God who is willing to wait, allow, forgive, trust and love unconditionally. It is largely a waste of time to tell people to love generously when the God they have been presented with is a taskmaster, loves quite conditionally, is easily offended, very needy and threatens people with eternal torture if they don’t “believe” in him.” ~Richard Rohr
So I stumbled upon that reading last year some time and I am now beginning to accept that I talk and act and think the way I do because I am trying to undo the God I was initially presented with. I continually try to help both students and people grasp just how much God loves them… but I have realized that in doing so, I am truly trying to help myself which is proving to be a much harder task.
But when I read that quote above, as I often do, I sooooo want to experience that God. That God has shaped me as a teacher. That God has formed my theology. That God is who I read about in the Bible. But that God has not invaded my heart. I still attempt to please and earn the love of my taskmaster who loves me quite conditionally. I walk the fine line every day, all day long, trying not to slip up and offend him. I allow others the opportunity to experience freedom in God but have such a hard time with it myself. Meanwhile, I know that God is with us. I know that the kingdom of God is something I can simply step into… even now.
And I am praying that I will. And I guess this is what it means to work out my salvation. It is a process by which I become a complete, whole person. A life long experience of coming to terms with the fact that God does love me, accept me, forgive me, wait on me. Learning that God is patient and loves unconditionally. And that God in no way resembles what I or we think. God is always more. Salvation is my encounter of that God… daily, weekly, yearly. And as I encounter, I want more, I transform… I am literally saved from myself and my warped view of God.